Ecclesiastes 9:12-18

" If you are wise for yourself, and if you scoff, you alone willbear it The woman of folly is naive and knows nothing. She sits at the dorrway of her house, on a seat by the high places of the city, calling to those who pass by, who are making their paths straight: "whoever is naive, let him turn here," and to him who lacks understanding she says "stolen waer is sweet; and bread eatten in secret is pleasent", but he does not know that the dead are there, that her guests are in the depths of shaul." Ecc. 9:11-18

  On Tuesday, at MetroMoses, Ryan (my boss)  asked everyone three personal questions. First, by living in New York City (NYC),  has the desires of this city hardend my heart or changed my God centerd desires in any way? Second, how does living in this city effect my faith and walk in God? Lastly, does this city in anyways affect my witness or compromise my walk in any way?  Those questions and that passage filled my head with thoughs and realizations that I had not had prior to that night. I was amazed and a bit convicted and so I would like to share a few of those thoughts with you.
   Since I am not a native New Yorker, I came to NYC determined to God's will, share Yeshua with every Jewish person I ran into, quickly find a job , and experience the dream of living in the Big Apple. But now that I have been here for almost three months I have noticed a change. I look around me and I see people rushing past me, people doing there own thing, people struggling, people succeeding, people oblivious to the woman of folly sitting on her doorstep.  Everyone seems to be caught up chasing a dream or trying to chase that dream that is slipping from there fingers, including mine. When Ryan asked that first question I wanted to say no, I am not caught up in the desires and motivations of this city, as a believer in Yeshua, but actually I have to say yes. For the first two months I was job hunting I was determind to make it on my own terms nad I had plans to make it in this city, to reach out to every Jewish person I met. But my plans were not working and my desires were letting me down. I though Gods desires were in line with my own, but actualy they were not. I see now that as I was looking around me and comparing myself to those around me and their success, not God's. I was also telling myself that I am failing becuase I wasn't making it or not good enough for the Big Apple.
  Secondly, my faith and walk with/in God has grown stronger and weaker due to living here and being apart of ministry. This amazing and wonderful city God has/is used to show me that thought people around me are relying on themselves and seeking there own wisdom and guidance, that is not acceptable for me according to God. I am learning that if I am to mature and stay strong in Yeshua and be a blessing to those around me, my faith needs to be based on  God and strong in Him, I need full reliance. I've learned this through dealing with finances, friendships, work everything. When I lived in San Diego and other places, I was alright, I had plans working out relativly well, but then God brought me here and I quickly discovered that wasnt going to happen here without full reliance on Him. My faith has pushed me to be strong in many areas, but it has also caused weakness. I have spent so little time in Gods word which in the past has fed me spiritually and guided me and would continue to do so if I chose to do so. I find the city drains the energy out of me so my attitude has been less than gracious  from time to time, their are more distractions, and more time is needed for everything (transportation, friends, finances, etc. ). My faith is stretching and God is helping me mature in areas I would not have matured in had it not been for God bring me here to do His work. This city and the people in it are one of a kind and so because of this I am learning the wisdom of God is more powerful and longer lasting than the woman of fully and fake wisdom.
   Lastly, I wish I could say that my witness has been only strengthend but in reality it has gone both ways. Since being an intern with CPM,  I have learned that I am always under the telescope. Bt also as  a believer in Yeshua living in NYC, it has also been challeneged and checked, s for all this I am thankful. I'v discovered how much more temptation in stolen water and hidden bread is more attractive meaning that temptation to cut corners and complain is has become more attractive and so must fight harder aginst it.   This city brings pressure and an energy that is exhausting and so I find myself worn out, my attituted less than gracous, my responsibilities lacking, and my dealing with situations needing work.   But at the same time God has brought me boldness, wisdom, energy I didn't think I had and understanding.
    NYC, whether a native or outsider believer chasing a dream, seeking God's guidance and will you arnt immune to society and the culture around you. Though not immune you can be one of the few who does what they can by Gods way in making your path straight so that you walk past the lady of folly. God is good and He is faithful. His wisdom  outshines lady folly and so by my following Him I am able to shine and stand out to those around me who are being drawn into the woman of follys doorstep.
   This is long but I wanted to share this with you.  God is good and He is using me in great ways that I never expected.

Blessings, Rebekah